Counter the Blahs with Sass!

It wasn’t until I owned up to my own inner sass that I was able to start showing up authentically.

Call it sass, attitude, charisma even.

Whatever you wanna call it, it wasn’t always that way for me.

It took some time and loads of practice before I felt safe enough to express my unique self and let it be seen. It took me time to discern what spaces were safe for me to take the mask off and shine my light bright for all to see. It took me even more time to cultivate those spaces on my own terms.

I remember the feeling all too vividly.

It struck a cord deep inside my body every time I went to share my audacious thoughts and creative ideas, hit that record button or take the stage. That cord pulled me back the way a tripwire would. It came with a voice that always said some flavour of ‘people will think you are out of your mind if you share that thought’.

Perhaps that voice was right.

The people in my life at the time knew me to be a certain someone, they expected me to show up a certain way that conveniently fit into their world view and my place in it. Yet it didn’t feel entirely truthful, I did not feel I was able to easily and readily express my most authentic self without fear of repercussion, be it a funny look, comments I wasn’t ready to address or something else entirely. While I know those people only wanted the best for me, it was my stinking thinking that wasn’t allowing me to live my life my way, or on my own terms.

The truth was, it was my own internalized oppressive thoughts and behaviours that I had to contend with.

The problem with the world of fashion today is that everyone is starting to look and sound the same.

There is an unwritten ‘uniform’ to most professions. From blazers to blue jeans, there’s always a certain level of appropriateness or expectation when one works in a certain field. Fair enough. The trouble comes when these stereotypes encourage us to contort to be someone we are not, instead of supporting us in expressing our unique selves. The cookie cutter mould does not work for everyone, especially in a world where representation matters more than ever before.

As humans, we have been conditioned to put on some sort of mask or facade to fit in and be liked, to survive.

From headshots to our signature talk, we are expected to ‘get in line’ and act like sheep so we fit into said arbitrary role or title, so we put the approved mask on. To no fault of our own. Not only is this boring, it is priming you for a business or career that is unsustainable because you are not able to simply be yourself. Frankly, it’s exhausting.

Conforming to fit in and doing things the usual way is no way to move the needle forward.

We’ve certainly tried it this way for long enough. As humans we crave a sense of belonging, and we have a need to be liked. This makes conforming to fit in a very common route, and it is especially true when you are the quiet one, observing, listening, constantly taking it all in. It is much easier to be the fly on the wall, to wear the mask and put on the uniform. You won’t get hurt that way.

Or at least you think you won’t.

I was that fly on the wall for the majority of my corporate fashion career. I did eventually learn how to speak up, but I still felt unsafe in expressing my most authentic self. Instead of confidently speaking my sassy truth, I limited myself to what I was told was acceptable. Always waiting for my turn to be called upon when all I wanted to do was disrupt the status quo and move things forward. I politely contorted my image to fit into each company's culture in an attempt to be liked, even though it was slowly killing my confidence. When I started my business, those habits carried over and it took years of speech and vocal training to bring my true sassy self out.

There is no room for sass in most work environments, and it still feels risky to be sassy online.

Let’s be honest, we take ourselves waaaaaay too seriously most of the time.

Once you know this, you also know the benefit of standing out in a sea of sheep not only makes it easier for the ‘right’ people to find us, but we get to take the mask off and breath in the fresh air. We get to do what we love in a way that feels right for us, thus creating a way less stressful way of life.

Personally, I use to think living life on my own terms was selfish.

Quite the contrary. When we achieve success through our own happiness, happiness becomes the foundation of living, and we set the stage for others to do the same. Stepping into your personal power of authentic self expression is a gift, one that every human deserves to experience. The seriousness in professional environments maintains the status quo while encouraging people to pretend to be something they are not. When you break out of the mould and express your uniqueness, you win clients or get that next big promotion simply because you are able to show the world your unique self.

It’s authenticity at its core.

You were born perfectly unique, then your thoughts and behaviours became conditioned by societal expectations (especially your parents). It’s true that most people work their butts off to get to where they are in life. Yet in doing so, many learn to deny themselves expression of the unique essence they were born with.

To suppress your uniqueness is to waste your God given gift(s).

Use your unique traits to show up authentic AF in spaces that may not allow others to show up that way. Start normalizing differences so that others can feel safer showing up in all their unique glory. Take up space to create space for others, and be unapologetic about it. When I see someone show up so authentically unique it brightens my day. From that simple spark in the eyes or a booming voice that fills up a room, you know a genuine person when you see them, because it is felt deep within the heart. It is inspiring and comes with a built in ripple down effect.

My suggestion: Instead of keeping it for yourself, use your uniqueness for the betterment of society.

Show up with your signature essence front and center, not some watered down version of yourself.

This is scary stuff, especially when you are not use to it. You might even be asking yourself something like ‘but what if who I am is too boring?’ and I hate to break it to you but you may be right. Who you are being today might actually be too boring… at least if you are how I was, which was showing up to fit into other peoples world view instead of creating your own space. I believe the vast majority of us do this, partly because it is safe, but also because it is what sheeple (people who follow the herd instead of leading the way) do, thus creating those societal standards in the first place.

Fitting into some standard version of ourselves was never the pathway to joy and authentic self expression.

I know from first hand experience that the world doesn’t need more sheeple. We need more leaders who care about humanity, who have a vision for a better world and who are willing to stand up and say the scary thing. There is a reason why famous leaders around the world and throughout history are so memorable. They exhibit the traits we have within ourselves that we wish we could express more. When we hear them speak we want to be more like them and that’s a good thing. Learning about them makes us feel happy and full of hope, lighting that spark within. We have all felt it at some point or another, some of us have just stuffed it down deeper than others. These are the parts of ourselves we think we need to keep numb to in order to stay safe, when what we really need to do is bring those feelings of joy and hope front and center, however they manifest for each of us.

We all want to feel happy and the only way you can be happy is to be yourself.

When you’ve had a taste of authentic self expression and putting essence front and center, it literally moves you and is a feeling you will forever remember. It is a journey, a process that takes time and practice. You will fail, and possibly even hear criticism from those around you. That is why it is important to have support from someone who sees your inner spark and can help you come out of your shell gradually and over time, in a way that is comfortable, safe, and even pleasurable. With practice, you will get to the point where you can shine more light on your uniqueness in a way that feels natural, in a way that makes it easy to share with the rest of the world. It doesn’t have to be flashy or sassy, it just has to be you.

It is going to feel weird to be yourself at first, take baby steps and embrace the awkward along the way.

It is like a re-birth. To find and pull out your truest essence of self and show it to others is vulnerable as all heck, and worth every painstaking step along the journey. Because there is only one of you, and your essence serves your purpose for being here in this lifetime. Take baby steps and listen deeply to your body, it is full of wisdom. You and your happiness is worth it. Even though we are conditioned to think otherwise, you are the only one who can truly make you happy. Become your own best friend, take the time you deserve, savour the moments in life. Joy is your birthright, and I encourage you to experience it daily by letting your inner essence take center stage.

There is no better way to do that than through your clothes.

It all begins in the mind, and we have the ability to change our minds.

Although I will admit, changing your mind is a bit more complex than changing your clothes. That’s why I start with your clothes. It’s a fun and simple way to explore who you are that brings with it an instant reward. Once we start to dress in a way that reflects our authentic self, we start to more fully step into the truth of who we know ourselves to be. When we connect with what we want, starting with the clothes we put on our back everyday, we build our capacity to take aligned action. When we pay attention to how our clothing makes us feel, we tap into a deeper sense of self and our desires start to become our reality. It feels magical. When we feel this magic on a soul cellular level, the universe reflects back to us what we want and we are able to effortlessly speak our truth from this space without fear of repercussion or of being ridiculed, because we’ve successfully created our own safe space.

At least that’s how I did it, and now my sassy self shows up consistently in subtle ways.

I’m serious about having fun because celebration disrupts old patterns, old ways of being that were unknowingly bestowed upon us. Having fun with the process is one of the quickest and most effective ways to bring us into what we truly want, our truest essence of self. Finding those hidden pieces of ourselves and connecting with ourselves on a much deeper level than society dictates, is necessary to living a life in alignment with your true essence of self leading the way.

Ready to transform your relationship with fashion and express your most authentic style in responsible, sustainable ways?

Sign up here to be first to hear about future MUSE entries and so much more.