Barbie is a Muse in our Patriarchal World - Part ONE
Whether you like it or not, Barbie is one of the most recognizable muses today, but does that mean we want to live in a Barbie world?
I’ll be the first one to say unabashedly that we are (still) very much living in a patriarchal world run by men (and women) who look like me. The ‘real’ world, even with all the progress and protesting we’ve seen in recent years, is still very much ruled by the white man as we find ourselves in late stage capitalism.
Patriarchy has created a very specific definition of what it means to be a woman that is very limiting and straight up harmful. It also leaves little to no room for anyone who identifies outside of the gender binary. This confinement is one of the patriarchy’s largest fundamental flaws.
While the patriarchal critique, defensiveness and resistance around this movie may be predictable, in my opinion it is largely because the critics fail to understand, because they believe they are going to lose if they choose to give up something that was given to them for little to no effort compared to anyone else.
Since we live in a world of social media and opinion, when you hear a critique about anything, it’s important to consider whether that person actually consumed the very thing they are critiquing or not. With patriarchy, it has become standard practice to ‘follow the herd’, especially when ones world view is being challenged.
So yah, there’s that!
If you know what self identified women and non-binary humans really want, you know that (most) of us do not want to run the world, at least not alone.
The 2023 Barbie movie flips the script of reality today, showing a Barbie world with women in charge, being themselves and doing what they want without the influence of men. It stems from the ideal (as per the classic Barbie narrative) of feminism… the belief in social, economic, and political equality of the sexes.
In a Barbie world, Ken is not told who to be, what to wear or how to act, he is instead allowed to do his own thing and be his own person. He just happens to want the attention of Barbie because it is her world and the whole point it to reflect the current reality women face in today’s patriarchial dominated society. When Ken shares his feelings, he is encouraged to believe he is (k)enough and he is supported to be who he wants to be without any fear based tactics forcing him into survival mode.
Then there is Alan, an umbrella representation for the queer community. Alan is often confused and misplaced, he fits Ken’s clothes but dresses out of the ordinary. He is much more outside of the box than his peers. As odd as he is, Michael Cera never fails to entertain and he does this role justice and gains many whole hearted laughs from the audience. Personally, I’m a big fan of Kate McKinnon and I felt like Weird Barbie was a bit of a missed opportunity. They could’ve played her much more Queer and had her and Alan be more in cahoots with each other. Then again, she is weird Barbie.
As a humanist, I would love to get to a point in society where gender is less centered and we look at human needs first while also appreciating our inherent differences. It is our differences that make us each unique but according to the National Human Genome Research Institute we are all 99.9% alike. So tell me, why do men and women need to be so divided?
Who benefits most from this division?
This question merits exploration through different perspectives over time and experience. My own personal experience has been that cis het white men benefit most from pointing out our differences. What would happen if we were to focus on our similarities instead? I believe we would come to a state of equality much quicker.
One of the most common storylines today is The Hero’s Journey. In Hollywood this storyline is often led by a male character, then Barbie (and others before her) came along. The Hero’s Journey (departure + initiation + return) is one we are all familiar with, whether we know it or not, but how familiar are you with the Heroine’s Journey? This feminine take on the commonly known narrative was first brought to my attention by transformational coach Laureen Nowlan-Card, and goes through the phases of separation, descent and reunion. These two journeys are similar but different. Which journey did Barbie go through?
Self identified women and non-binary folks don’t need ‘saving’ but we do need support and we want to collaborate, which requires being listened to and respected on a whole other level that the current mass system does not support. Thus requiring a ‘few good men’ to step up and create the change, which is happening in increasingly growing pockets.
Well before the many decades of Barbie there have been people on both sides of the gender binary, and everyone in between. Some people hyper identify with Barbie, while others vehemently abhor her (with good reason). If you are like me, you are somewhere in the middle.
Barbie represents a rather contradictory idea.
Dare I say that one’s experience with Barbie is directly related to one's learned perspective on gender and society as imposed from one's parents, intentional or otherwise? How you were taught to see the world is quite literally the same lens (or filter) through which you see Barbie and her narrative. If you were taught that looking good was a priority then you probably found yourself comparing your looks against Barbie’s at some point. If you were taught to be strong and encouraged to do what you wanted in life then you likely found inspiration in the new uniforms she put on each time she went on the shelf in your local toy store. Some of us had both of these beliefs bestowed upon us, others ignored it altogether.
It’s true that Barbie helps women around the world believe in themselves from a young age. She also (silently) pressures women to conform to euro-centric beauty norms, which is largely driven from the patriarchy narrative and counters much of the ‘good’ she provides. In a way this neutralizes her and makes her a bit basic.
While I truly hope this movie ignites the antithesis to the plastic fantastic world the Kardashians have popularized among young women and men in recent years, I don’t see it moving the needle forward so much as it has acknowledged and validated the ‘state of the union’ today. Acknowledgement and validation are still very sourly needed, as this is the first step to true and lasting change. In my experience, we need to keep acknowledging and validating until it feels nauseating.
We need to acknowledge (and grieve) our current (and past) state of self in order to move into what’s possible.
Having been born into lack mentality, I told myself very early on that I couldn’t do certain things because we didn’t have the money. At least, that’s what I was told, which then became my inner narrative. That inner narrative was applied to everything I had or did, and it came from my familial trauma patterns.
I learned to restrict myself (with what I allowed myself to be, do and have) because I was lied to at a young age and repeatedly told that I did not have the means. This was to no fault of the people feeding me these lies, as it stemmed from their deep seated beliefs and trauma patterns. Needless to say, it became a problem for me to want things. So I stopped wanting, at least so I thought. The reality was that I was simply suppressing the very things that allowed me to be me.
Not allowing myself to see my wants and find a way to fulfill on them, turned into a shopping addiction, that is once I started earning a livable income. It also played right into my limiting beliefs and lack mentality, perpetuating the cycle. It wasn’t until I could see the pattern and the deeper rooted wants that I could let go of that old dusty narrative of ‘not having’ and make use of the super powers I developed along the way. More on that in part two.
Where does that leave those of us who are ready to move forward now?
The Barbie movie flips the script on the commonly accepted narrative as fed to us by Hollywood since forever. It changes the narrative so the boy is the girl and vice versa. Ken is superfluous, and irl men don’t like being portrayed in a way women are simply used to behaving purely for survival. That point is intentionally driven. Some boundaries are pushed, which is normal (expected even) in a ‘man’s world’, where it has been normalized to brush any problematic behaviors under the rug. Except when a woman does the same thing… the backlash is hugely disproportionate to the instance.
Many of us are still very much playing our part to uphold the matrix of the patriarchy, rightfully so. We can’t simply smash the current system and expect to be ok. As humans we need structure. Structure allows us to feel some semblance of normalcy, whatever that is.
Not only does the patriarchy have a lot of problems and gaps that need to be properly addressed and hopefully changed, we need something else to live into. Self identified women and non-binary people have a lot of these answers. In collaboration with men, I believe the progress we can make on many of the issues we face today is truly staggering. We just need to be open to communicating and collaborating differently than what the patriarchy has taught us.
Enjoy this short from one of my friends Barbie card collection https://www.youtube.com/shorts/y7fSM6VsJUg
Stay tuned for Part TWO, where I write about what we can (continue to) do collectively to move the needle forward, how I healed my lack mentality and why I identify as Sustainable Barbie. I’m also going to be sharing a concept that will help you show up as your most awesome best version next level self. Hint: it has to do with showing up for yourself first and how to represent that on the outside so others see it too and we are living in our best alignment.