As I sit here and ponder on disparaging thoughts and remind myself to flick the switch and look at things differently, I reflect back on the past year and a half and think 'what a process it has been', and I am just at the beginning.
I trained myself to think one way for so long that it has taken me a good chunk of time to remember how to think for myself again. I've been blessed with the time, space and support of loved ones, which has helped me unravel all that is not adding value to my life, pick up the things that do, and remember what I love about life. From a very young age I thought for myself and loved to explore, and I have tapped back into that drive and desire.
Happiness and gratitude often being present, there were many ups and downs. There were patches of caring too much about what other people think and putting the focus on the outside. There were also patches of not wanting to leave my home and 'deal with people in the outside world'. I needed my bubble to recoup, like a caterpillar that has crawled into it's cocoon. Throughout this process, I have reflected inwardly to see what it is that I truly need, while finding a way to serve the world.
One thing the universe has been shouting loudly at me, is that I need to create my own destiny. Not follow someone else's, I've already done that, and not do what someone else says, I've already tried that. Neither simply does not work for me. As I prepare to emerge, I look around and embrace all that life has to offer. It reminds me that I do not need to do things alone. In fact, I know I will need the continued love and support of those that care to provide it, near and far.
3 months later...
I am at a cross roads, and while one path looks like it would be following someone else's destiny, my heart knows that is not true. Both paths are equally desirable, for very different reasons. I will be reflecting on these paths over the coming days and weeks, as I continue to forge ahead with both and look into the new opportunity in more detail. I will practice being in ease and pay attention to what 'forced' feels like for me. I will find my way into the warm spots. I will choose fun, fit and flow.
What will you choose?